Let it go.

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I wanted to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, BASKET OF DREAMS, which I deleted a long time ago, but of course, I deleted the blog itself but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

When I was in high school, I treated this 4 girls as my best friends, well we know little about each other, but still we started the friendship that we all thought will last.

But there was this little issue that grew humongous between us, and forgiving was such a difficult task. Well initially no one really wants to apologize because everybody think that they are right.

We've been on this quarrel for I think a year. It was depressing and I felt suffocated inside the class. I felt like I can't act freely because every time I'm gonna try, they are gonna pick on me. I felt like I became so cautious of my actions too because I felt like they are always gonna laugh at my mistakes.

So every night, that year, before I sleep, I would always think about them, I would sometime cry. I would recite in my room all of the things they had been doing to me. Don't laugh, but I actually thought that it would be my sweetest revenge if I would be able to say it on their face how brat they are to me. So every night, I would recite that in my head, not a single moment they did to me was forgotten.

And then finally, I had a chance to say it all out in front of them. Actually, they thought it was a chance to sort things out. Anyway, I started talking and explaining my side. It was interrupted though because one of our professors joined and listened to help sort things out between us, and I started all over again.

I told them how it started, and how it continued, and how I felt that I'm being bullied at some sort because they laugh behind me inside the classroom and how it change my participation in class and so on and so fort. I was still angry while explaining every details of it but it seems to me that my audience are bored of my discussion about the very long pity story of mine.

My professor grew tired listening about my shit. He cut in and it was so unfair! I had been waiting for this time when I can finally defend myself, but it seems to me that it was all non-sense for all of them. My professor finally interrupted my ramblings by saying, Why are you here?

I said in a disappointed manner, To get things over!

He said, You want to get things over, yet it seems to me that you're not yet really ready to forgive at this moment?

Okay!! I don't know if I can explain this right, but when he said those words to me, I was really disappointed! Unfair! It seems to me that he just want me to let it all go! They should say sorry first, then I will forgive and I will move on and let it go!! I felt like at that time the girls are smirking at me because my plan of revenge was a disgrace! Plus, no one really heartily listened!! How would you feel if you wanted to defend your self all along, and finally you have that chance but then tomatoes are thrown at you?

My professor insist me to just forgive, without any explanation, without any sorry from the girls, and plainly, just FORGIVE! I accepted the favor. It was really disappointing for me though, but I accepted it! I shake hands, I hugged them, and it looked like we are okay. But honestly, there is that small feeling deep inside me that it was really an unfair decision! He should have heard first all my grudges!

It was weird. I let it go, I tried to move on, as per my professor's request.

Surprisingly though, after I accepted my professor's decision, participating in class was much better. Plus, I don't need to think about it much at night. Plus, I was really having a good time in school! I was pretty happy compare on last year when I was really depressed. I felt that the burden I was carrying all year long automatically disappeared!

IT FEELSSSSS GOOOOOOD! I was happy once again. And that's the time I understood my professor's decision. And that's the time I understand as well more of the term forgive and forget and why it is better to choose to forgive!

Reciting the anger in my head thousands of times those anger did not do anything good for me. I thought I was doing justice for myself by collecting all those anger, but it did the opposite. It gave burden and I felt really unhappy while I'm on it.

It was really hard to forgive without reason, specially when it was really unfair, but I think my professor told me to forgive not for the girls, but for myself, to free me. I never felt so free, so happy!

I sincerely forgive the girls afterwards, not waiting for any apologies anymore from them. And I realized I should share my own apologies as well. I know I was so immature at that time.

Forgive and Forget.

We already heard this words THOUSANDS of times, but still, it's difficult to realize how healthy it is to forgive. Specially to forget. My mom always say that a CRIME could always be forgiven, but you still have to give justice to it.

It's hard to forgive, sometimes it is unreasonable to forgive specially if it was too painful for us. But ironically, forgiving helps us release the pain and release the burden, setting us free.

Also, after this, it was easier for me to instantly forgive people specially if it is just a small matter. And it was also easier for me to say sorry whenever needed. It feels like, there are more room to be happy when you are thinking this way, when you are always ready to understand people and forgive them in their mistakes.

How about you? How hard it is for you to forgive someone? or How hard is it for you to say sorry?