Day 12: Something you never get compliments on

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

Ayan, yipeee matutuloy ko na ang 30 days project na ito... na ke-tagal nag-hiatus naman ng bonggang bongga! Hahaha, here it goes.

Napatingin ako sa salamin, at inisip ko ano bang parte ng katawan ko ang hinahanapan ko ng appraisal? Actually di ko makita, kase alam ko na nasa loob ko ang mga dapat i-compliment sa sarili ko, ang pagiging matalino, mabait, maasahan, masipag at iba't ibang magagandang katangian na sa totoong buhay hindi nag-eexist.

Alam niyo yung joke na, "guwapo ba?" "ah oo mabait!"
Wala lang, gusto ko lang sabihin, kase wala na ko masabi.

Seryoso na.

Ang bagay na madalas ko hinahangad na marinig, na hindi ko marirnig-rinig sa kahit na sino.. (o narinig ko na, kaso joke lang pala) ay ang mga salitang, "ang payat mo!!!" obviously!! Hindi ako payat, pero lam mo nag-wiwish pa din ako na someday na makaraos din ako sa katawan kong toh.

Alam mo iniisip ko pa lang na topic ko toh, hindi ko alam, parang hindi ko gusto i-topic, kase naman noh, ilang years na din akong hindi nagsusurvive sa mga diet-dietang na pauso ko.

Gusto ko man i-pramis na, oo magdidiet ako, nagsasayang na naman ako ng isa na namang pako, nawawala na nga yung martilyo eh. Pakong-pako na.

Pero lahat ng nakikita ko sa salamin, puro kapangitan na lang nag nag-ooriginate sa pagiging mataba ko. Minsan kapag iniisip ko, ay magpapa-puti ako, naiisip ko, nge yung goal ko nga na magpapayat hindi pa nangyayari, tapos gagawa na naman ako isa pang goal.

HIndi na ganun kalake ka-issue ang katabaan ko. Kase hindi naman ako obese (pero malapit na!) Haha. Hindi pa ako qualified sa Biggest Loser. Basta ang alam ko lang hindi ko kaya magpapayat mag-isa... at hindi ko alam kung kailangan ko ba ng tulong para pumayat, o hindi ko din alam kung kailangan ko pa ba isipin toh o pabayaan na lang na ganito ako forever, lalong lumalaki.

Kahit na ganito ako, alam ko naman na madame nagmamahal sa kin, walang pagkukulang dun. Ang nahihirapan lang ako sa self-esteem ko. Sobrang mababa ang self-esteem ko, kaya minsan di rin ako maka-move on, pero ayuko maging anorexic. Hahaha, gusto ko pa din na may laman ako.

Ngayon... suggest niyo sa kin, susubukan ko pa din ba magpapayat o hayaan na lang? Hahaha

Image source: HERE and HERE

in love

Optimistic thoughts for today!!

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I wanted to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, BASKET OF DREAMS, which I deleted a long time ago, but of course, I deleted the blog itself but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

I think about what to post, then I finally get my ice cream, and I return to my blinking cursor.. and now my ice cream is all melted away.

I am happy because I passed the DMV exam 2 weeks ago and now I am learning how to drive around our neighborhood and once in the highway.

I am also happy because we already have an internet.

I am happy because I celebrated the thanksgiving with my relatives in San Diego, Filipino style!

I am happy because I played rock band with my cousins on their xbox, and I played all day! I love drums, and totally want to learn how to beat and play!

I am happy because I'm eating ice cream right now, although it's melted.

Yeah, I know, I do math and I'm counting my blessings right now!!! <3

Magaling. Palakpakan.

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

Eksaktong November 10, 2010, 3:47 PM, may ipinaskil si Teacher Mots na isang award. Bago naman ako mapunta sa pagkkwento tungkol sa award na yan, nung din araw na yun, 3:57 PM, nagcomment si Teacher sa isa sa mga pasulyap na post ko na sinulat ko ng November 4.

November 13 ko na nabalitaan ang comment niya na, "dalin mo ang magulang mo, pumunta ka sa faculty room (sa aking blog). may bibigay ako sayo :)" 

Alam niyo, hindi naman talaga ako nag-eexpect ng award, ang hinahanap-hanap ko lang sa faculty ni Teacher ay isang larawan. Na-ikina-inggit ko dahil isa sa mga common friends namin ni Teacher na si Ms. Leah, eh binigyan ni Teacher ng litrato, at dahil inggitera ako, naghahanap din ako, baka bigyan din ako. Kaya, nung sinabi ni Teacher na mag-report ako sa faculty niya, eh sobrang excited ako.. dahil sa rason na ito!

Hahaha! Okay Teacher Mots. Naging half an hour akong stalker ng faculty mo, at waaaaahhhhh!!! Nagtatalon ang eye balls ko sa tuwa ng makakita ng drawing ng babae na may mga bagahe. Isang litrato na nakapaloob sa mga blog artworks mo. Sabihin mo ng assuming ako, pero akala ko talaga ako yun at akin yun. Nyeh.

Hahaha.. at ngayong araw ko lang nalaman, na hindi pala yun ang sasabihin sa kin ni Teacher. Ang sasabihin pala niya eh.. may FIRST EVER AWARD ang KAMILKSHAKE blog ko!!! Na galing walang iba kundi sa kanya. Hahaha.. kalahating nalungkot ako dahil hindi pala yung litrato ang balita niya, at kalahating lumigaya naman ako dahil may AWARD na sa wakas ang blog ko!!! :)

Okay.. at ito yun...!!!!

Tinawag itong machong award ni  Teacher Mots, pero Lovely blog award talaga toh. Natanggap ko na din ito dati pero sa Basket of Dreams ko to natanggap at hindi dito. Ito din ang kauna-unahang award na natanggap ng Basket of Dreams ko, at ito din ang kauna-unahang award na natanggap ng KAMILKSHAKE blog ko! Ang saya saya.

Ang rules lang dito, pag natanggap mo ito, kailangan mo ipamigay ito sa 15 na katao, pero hindi ko yun sinusunod. 5 na tao lang ang bibigyan ko ng award na ito, yung mga tao na hindi pa nakakatanggap ng  award na ito at mga taong feel ko bigyan.

Hahahaha! At dahil jan ready na akong ipamahagi ito kina:

Una. Rainbow Box at Rainbow Box Blog
Naging masiyahin ako sa pagdalaw-dalaw ko kay rainbow box, at friendly siya, hindi pa nang-iisnob, kaya naman, congratz! Isa ka sa mga bibigyan ko nito!!! :)

Pangalawa. J. Cee at Four Flavors
One of the Filipino blogger that's humble to follow my blog! :) Thank you so much J. Cee!! :)

Pangatlo. Jam at PULSE RARELY BEATING
Waaaah pero nakatanggap ka na pala nito mula kay Teacher Mots, na pinanggalingan lang din ng award na ito. Hahaha. Pero yaan mo na nga. Hahaha.. Isang pasasalamat na lang ito dahil finollow mo ang aking blog :) At gusto ko lang sabihin na ang ganda ganda ng blog mo! :)

Pang-apat. Artiemous at Misadventures of Artiemous
Ito ay isa sa mga bagong follower ko din, hindi ko pa alam ang kwento sa likod ng pag-follow niya, pero totoo lang nahirapan ako sa pag spell ng pangalan niya na kinailangan ko na lang i-copy paste sa blog ko.

Pang-lima. Hazeline Kua at Random thoughts of a random thinker.
Eto naman hindi ko ito follower sa Kamilkshake, pero sa Basket of Dreams oo, pero isasama ko na siya dito, dahil siya ay Filipino. :)

So anyway yan na lahat ang pagbibigyan ko. Hahahahha!
PS at TEACHER MOTS: Umaasa pa rin ako na sa kin yun, hahahaa... o di kaya gawan mo na lang ako kung hindi! nyahahahahahahaha! 



Umaasa,

A Very Yum Yum and Tasty Award

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I wanted to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, BASKET OF DREAMS, which I deleted a long time ago, but of course, I deleted the blog itself but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

You know how a cheese melt on Pizza pie? That's how my heart melt when I received Leah's heart warming award!! I feel boastful already!

Yeah! Thank you Leah! This is really something to cheer me up right at this moment!

I've been really upset and overwhelmed with the tight ropes in my neck right now. Maybe it is easy just to share your problems to people who you might really not know personally, like people who just caught the attention my blog has been seeking for the past months. Because those people might be the possible companions that might not judge you and companions who can easily say that everything's gonna be alright.

I'm not really in danger for suicidal right now, if you misunderstood by what I mean about the ropes. I just felt that I can't breathe with all this sadness my system is holding to, and I'll be exploding one day like a wreck pirate ship.

I was trying to write another dramatic script of my life here at my blog, but can't really find it's genesis. It's either because I want to just send those images of loneliness at the deepest trash can of my brain or that I'm just too tired on being too dramatic because it doesn't really makes any sense!!

I don't know why I'm always fixated at this attitude of letting myself down instead of just being optimistic. God always tries His best to show signs that I can stand and someday there will be great things for me.

Like this award from Leah. I can't thank you enough Leah!! I'm so happy! Who wouldn't be happy if someone says that your an outstanding author and your blog is so damn interesting even it is not that so? Who wouldn't be joyful when you know that someone appreciates you and your blog? I'm not raising my hands to that question because I love attention, hehe!

This Blog Appreciation Award I got from Leah, made me feel that even if there's lots and lots and lots of negative vibes in my life right now, there are still some blessings that will come my way. And we should count the blessings, not the failures, not the sadness! :)

Okish!? Have a nice one!!!

xxx

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

ayan may net na ako. ang saya saya. haha.. plastik.

hahahaha.. anyway. yung totoo lang haha? puro kalungkutan na naman ba ikkwento ko dito? kanina lang habang reblog lang ako ng reblog sa tumblr ang saya saya ko kase puro masasayang bagay yung nababasa ko.. hindi lang masaya nakakatawa pa.

hahahahaha...

sana pwede na lang itawa ang lahat., pwede naman talaga itawa ang lahat kung pipiliin lang. hahaha.. ngayon lang kame nakabitan ng internet dito.. ayun... at wala madame pa din ako iniisip. siguro kailangan ko muna magsulat sa journal ko bago ako mag blog na muli.. kase kung hindi..alam mo? malulungkot ka lang.. kase malulungkot yung mga mababasa mo.. hahahaha

okay okay okay.. yippeee...

mababasa ko na ulit ang mga blog na finofollow ko.. pero hindi muna ngayon kase... maliligo at matutulog na ako... at bukas naman kase maghapon na ako sa tapat ng computer ngayon... hahaahha :)

okay okay okay...

bbye!!!! :)

KAYA NIYO YAN?? YUNG ISA STRAIGHT ISA DULING... talentado talaga ako

LOL!!!! <3

yipeee!!

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I wanted to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, BASKET OF DREAMS, which I deleted a long time ago, but of course, I deleted the blog itself but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

I am so depressed this past few days because I was always home alone. I stil don't have a job, and I suck in my English. I mean when I'm trying to make a conversation with people, say a sales lady, or some man out of the street, they would terribly respond, "WHAT? Say that again?"

Waaahh! I really suck big time! And I know, its not good to pull yourself down when your already down, but I just want to acknowledge the truth. Okay! Now I just don't care if I fail my grammar, I just need people to understand me, I want to express myself the best I can, but I'm always lost on what to say.

Somehow I'll get through this.

Anyway, I hope we can have an internet connection next month, December, so I can have my normal my life back in blogsphere. And I hope I pass my assessment in Walmart, I filed an application yesterday. Honestly, it's kinda intimidating to find a job since I don't speak the language well.

The good news is, we have a new pony stuff toy named lightning, from Wels Fargo, because my step dad have to open his account there, and I'm looking forward to open my account there too, and then we'll receive another lightning when that happens. That will happen only if I will be hired soon, well, I hope so!!

Then another thing is that, I tried to take the written exams at DMV, and yipeeee!! I passed!! Congratulation to me!! But hey I don't know how to drive yet, so I have to learn and practice and beat my mom at driving and try hard not to wreck the car.

I'm so intimidated. I  felt little about myself, and I might as well add pity, but, I will get better, maybe soon.

For now, let's just celebrate my victory for passing the written exam for my FIRST TRIAL, that's the only good thing I can boast, just let me be..

Have a good one..

finding nemo

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

ano ba update tungkol sa kin? Gusto ko muna magsorry at magpasalamat sa mga nag-follow sa kin, sorry di ko pa kayo madalaw, hirap wala panet. Tapos na hindi ko pa matuloy yung 30 day project ko, kase ayuko sana mag alibi, pero ang katotohanan? Ang hirap magblog sa phone ni mama, wala pa kame internet, at baka sa december pa magpakabit or worst, hindi pa magpapakabit hanggang january. Hayyy..

Anyway, may nag tip sa kin sa mga library daw may free net, pero may limit time, pero madame pang dapat gawin bago ako mag-aalis ng bahay para dun.

Uhmm? Rotten english ako, I mean akala ko ba marunong na ako mag-english, kase feelingera ako sa blogsphere tapos sa school alam mo yun maayos naman ako magdala pag may reports, ay naku, dito bulol bulol ako.

medjo nagiging maayos na lahat para sa kin, hopefully makagawa na ako ng resume tapos makapag apply na, matanggap kaya ako eh wala akong experience?? Hehe.

Lam niyo totoo lang, napaka overwhelming lahat ng pangyayari sa kin. Uhmm madame ako nalaman, ang mga katotohanan. Hayy.. pero okay na ako ngayon, napag-isip isipan ko na, at napagdesisyunan ko na harapin na lang ang dapat harapin.


Ang nakakatuwa lang sa pagtulog ko, yung mga panaginip ko tungkol pa din sa pilipinas, mga tao sa pilipinas, lam niyo yun? Haha hindi nagmigrate ang isip ko, nandun pa din hahaha.

Masaya ako, kasama ko kase si mama, hindi ako nahihirapan mag-adjust. Pero ang nahihirapan lang ako sa communication ko kase hirap di ko ma-express sarili ko sa mga salitang gusto ko. Uhmm tapos nahihirapan din ako kase, yung iba dito 16 pa lang nagddrive na, yung iba 18 pa lang nagttrabaho na, eh ako 20 none of the above. Nakaka-intimidate.

Kaya hopefully makapag work na ako, nagsisimula na ako magreview para sa written exam ng driving. Ayun..

Busy adjusting

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I wanted to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, BASKET OF DREAMS, which I deleted a long time ago, but of course, I deleted the blog itself but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

Guys I won something from one of the blog I'm following, a $30 gift cards to CSN. The problem is my mom won't bite it because I don't have my own credit or atm card, and she's too guarded to try things and promos from the internet. Well I'm also not sure about this, so if ever you're familiar with CSN site and freebies, let me know.

So anyway, I told you already that I'm in CA already with my mom, and I've been trying to adjust my sleep quite a bit. I have a hard time posting new blog posts because I'm only using my mom's phone to surf the net, it is the least possible way.

I'm happy and excited to try new things here, I want to find a job asap so that I could earn or help my mom, and I want to meet friends, and explore more. Today me and mom will go to LA on her work, but I'm gonna meet some relatives while mom is at work. Then I don't know what's gonna happen next.

I wanted to share my experience during my fancy flight last October 31 but, I don't think it is thrilling enough to type on my mom's phone.

I also miss Maykel so much that I can't sleep at night, I'm not sure if this is jet lag/log?? (IDK). I just can't sleep.

And if ever you feel bad because I am not reading your blogs, I feel bad as well. And it is just at the moment, it is not possible.

I just really miss blogging and reading your post, and leaving a comment. I'm excited to share everything!

Anyway! Chao. Kamil

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

Guys!!! Namimiss ko na mag-blog!! Naku di naman busy. Wala lang kase internet dito sa mama ko. Hadukken!! When I come back surely ikkwento ko ang masasaya at blessed na karanasan at pagkakataon ko sa flights of fancy. Yehey!! Kung nagtatanong ka kung ano yun, di ko din alam, nabasa ko lang habang nakasakay sa eroplano.

Anyway. Ang hirap magtype dito at hinid nakaka-engganyo magkwengto kapag ganito eh, kaya tsaka na lang ako magkkwento. Emotionally numb pa rin ako sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. Looking forward to find a job, tsaka matuto sana mag-english. Hehe. Naku, gusto ko din matuto magdrive.

Maganda ang buhay dito, nakakatuwa ang mga kano, madameng mexicano, at ang tatangkad ng tao. Malinis ang kalsada. Ewan ko lang, at least sa mga nadaanan ko pa lang na lugar. Madaming pagkaen, at feeling ko ako na si dumbo pagbalik ng pilipinas.

Oh whatever. Dumudugo na ilong ko sa pag-eenglish at feelingera na rin. Di pa rin magaling, madame pa dapat malaman. Haha. Thankful ako kay God. Sobrang blessed. Madami pa din iniisip sa ngayon. Sa susunod na lang. Chao.

Kamil.

hi i'll be back soon

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I wanted to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, BASKET OF DREAMS, which I deleted a long time ago, but of course, I deleted the blog itself but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

Guys I don't know if I'll be back that soon, but I guess I'll be busy within a week and so. The good news is, I'm already here at California!!! I'm finally with my mom now!! Wew! The travel was crazy and fantastic! It was my first time to board a plane, fantastic flight! I had my jet log or lag (I don't know) yesterday but I guess I'm feeling fine right now!

My mom is happy to finally see me again and we missed each other so much. But I get to cry too for leaving so many people in the Philippines and I'm missing them already.

Hey mike if you ever got to read this yehey for me, because I packed my things 2 days before my flight! And I didn't miss anything.

I guess I'll be posting soon about my flight!! And more of the adventure that I'm gonna experience here!

See you guys again soon. I'll be checking my blog once in a while, but I'm really having a hard time typing, I'm just using my mom's phone and her laptop has no connection yet. I'm still adjusting quite a bit specially in communicating, I don't speak fluently and should learn more about grammars.

Till then, love lots

Kamila. <3