Worst Memory of 2011: Every obstacle is an opportunity.

Trying to remember the worst thing that had happen to me this year is a very difficult task. Maybe because bad things eventually become suppressed inside. So what I did here was I had to open my old blogs and read my online diary, and *poof*, it is spelling in details the worst of me this year.

I thought at first that my worst memory was the moments that I was always alone at our house during my stay in the states. My Mom is always leave-in as a nurse assistant, so she stays on her work 24 hrs a day and goes home once a week. I am so lonely I just wanna go home and spend my fats sweating in the Philippines.

Another worst thing was that I felt duper ugly! I ate that whole jar of Nutella in just a month and *boom* it gave me tons of zits in my forehead (or not, I'm not really sure what's the etiology of my zits). That was very unhealthy! Plus the fact that I gain weight more than you could imagine. (But all is well now, except the weight).



But really, when you start believing that the world does not revolve you anymore, you see clearly, and self-pity is just another minor problem compare to the hurts and the pain you cause other people.




So having this thinking I realize, the worst part of my year was actually leaving my Mom in the states. Once again, she's alone on her own, working and sacrificing for us. Not that I regret going home here in the Philippines, but leaving her there have so many stories underneath.

I was not aware when I was about to board the plane, but now, I think I can remember how her face looks awfully sad back then. I was the one enjoying the good part of this before I realized that I actually left her.

I realized that that one thing she couldn't resist to do was to give what I want eventually. She doesn't want to see me go, but she did let me go for my sake.


But leaving my Mom there is a bigger responsibility for me than you could ever imagine. Sometimes it means standing and deciding again on my own, but mostly it just means studying well and getting back there impregnated and get work and have a better career than others and make lots of money that hopefully would make everybody happy in the end.

I was against being rich (though I wouldn't mind  if I could be). I am pro-simple life and my Mom knows that. I would rather spend quality time with my family so that I can see the best of them as they grow, rather spend hours of time at work to receive a large amount of salary each month.

Maybe part of what really hurt of just staying there (or going back there in the U.S.) is the hurt of leaving my boyfriend here in the Philippines. But the sacrifices that I would be willing to make is no equal compare to what my Mom has gone through already. There are more to thank rather to regret. For one, I was an educated person because of that large amount of salary.

I DECIDED, I love my Mom, my Dad, my brothers so much, I'm gonna go back there and just hope for the best that that decision could bring.

Finally, the worst part was over (and I had almost forgot about it), and what's really important is I tried to learn from it. I try to grow up, rather just get old out of it.



**********