believe

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

It's an ache to sight the past if there are so many broken memories that are not yet glued together. I hate my past and I'm tired of staring at it, but I can't help myself.

I hate myself hating who I am.

If I knew myself better than my friends then I know that I have no self-confidence to watch the WORLD I will later encounter, because I've been busy hiding (and debating) to a world behind me.

I lack the self-confidence I once wish is within me. But the statement of reality aggravates the feeling of undeserved happiness.

I'm tired of looking for myself, should I then stop?

I know nothing and pursued nothing. Aweful self-egocentrism.

While everyone could walk with chin on their heads, and everyone could dance on their feet and sing on their throat, I am staring at them clapping my hands for the joy and happiness I am feeling for their triumphs.

What did I pursued for the past 19 years of my life? I want to close my eyes and think for a second, I want to cry for no reason, am I know under an emotional disorder?

But then, maybe I'm just stress and opaque and I miss a quite number of people I'm not able to be with as a law of jurisdiction (if my spelling is correct).

For the past blogs I've been praising God and yes He did a bunch of blessings and yet i am not satosfied, by then I'm not deserving of his presence....

Bus notes

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

Nothing to do on the bus.. but rehearse writing..

Our life's beliefs, as my mind could read, is the perfect opponent of our soul.

If we believe in dreams, happiness and butterflies, then we believe in a simple life. A life full of passion to live and enjoy. Into this life we bear every moment with gladness less despair. Even added with unsatisfying glance of problems that can be readily counted more than the numbers of our fingers and toes, we knew through ourselves that those problems are things we could solve. We identify those encounters as unwanted, but we know that there are reasons for it.

But if we read life as disgrace, revenge if someone gets faulty, blame to another what happens to self and own, then living won't be that fruitful and jolly. NEGATIVISM. Always finding something to grieve and complaint.

Although people can never be contented with life, but they could choose to be contented by LIVING SIMPLE.

redirection

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

I want to be mature, I want my behaviors and attitudes to be stable enough to face the people and everyone around me without an awful stress. Thinking about everything that everyone is saying and talking about (specially that your name is hanging around their little demon phrases) is really stressful, but relying to calm the mind and crop the picture to a simple yet enjoyable features of life, makes living so satisfying.

But, being mature doesn't mean that you'll be working in a classic environment and encounter elegant mature people.. I am very sorry for those people that are not able to realize until now that they are being ego-self-centered-had-never-looked-thy-glorifying-self-at-the-mirror.

But again, I am not saying matureness is my masteral degree course. I am still at the waiting. There is still difficulty to be on total contact of reality. I mean, there is still a part of me that could not handle grudges deep under the well, I wanted to pour out rudly everything I want to say, not analyzing that if I do, it makes no sense at all.

Keep silent, be calm, tactfullness.

One time after going out with friends, riding a taxi is more practical since we have to divide the price within our number, that is because with the acceptance that we will be heading to different route. But then last saturday night, the taxi driver disagree with the way our history goes. He wanted to close the meter machine each time one of us goes down the cab. My friends speak for ourselves then after are all quiet and keeping their voices under their tongue, but I just couldn't handle to shut up, ends up talking beating acknowledgment to the guy driving.

I realize after then I am being so hot-headed not trying to calm myself in certain situation. There is really a wrong situation in life, but nothing less it doesn't need a wrong reaction only a calm posture and then the right flow will follow. I don't know why, but it makes the world more simpler to live in.

I read something on my way home, at the toll gate saying (i'm not sure of the perfect phrases)

Q: "how it takes to live more?"

A: "not much.."

I had read it several times, but the last one was when I realize the meaning.

I think, morethan focusing to be mature, I should go get myself to God again. I am lacking to be in his house while he was never been absent or lazy to be by my side.

Push the Effort

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

I admit, there is really a part of me that hinders success, attitudes that are consider fractures of my behavior, that are most difficult when people are held hostage around. I am a perfect image of being a "soon-to-be-tambay." I'm on my first class today, neither I am writing nor listening but I'm in a complete stress. Added to that I am sleepy and I plan to sleep few minutes later after writing this.

Another value that may lead to amputation, my automatic coping mechanism to stress, which is to STOP whereby there is stress. Stop the burden, if I didn't study then hell who cares to cram study minutes before a quiz. That's it, I don't care if the race is not finished, when bargains are not sold and I don't want to be stressed for the last minute to the point my brain would leak out my ear. Never consider and rely to me in times like this, expect that I would be a total bum.

"Impaired coping mechanism related to improper brain placement as evidence by decrease in level of consciousness."

Waahh... sleepy....parang wala naman pinuntahan tong topic a toh.

Latest bunch

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

I felt dying sick without writing anything on my blog.

Should I atleast write something about President Cory Aquino? Of all the Filipino, I'm the ever

delayed to know.

There are quite fewer thoughts in my mind than the ever praising Cory.

my dad had already fly last last week... amp.. going to "T-A-T-E" once again

my ever dearest boy friend just had his 21st birthday last july 28, 2009

as a simple celebration together.. we cook some "viand de ala pobre"

and celebrate his day with few of his friends...

graxia, nard and abi

and chong as well

haha.. just drank and ate pizza...

amp.. lazy hungry sleepy.

feelings right, right now

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

I guess I'm back on the tone of my life. Yes, congratulations for myself.

For the past months of April, May, and June, writing on my blog seems to be an unwilling viand for my rice. Well, not gonna let all the pressure and bad memories of yesterdays to purchase my tomorrow, right?

Start at the beginning right then AGAIN.

I'm surprised to say, hey I'm in 3rd Year college! Isn't that awesome? It takes a lot of effort to go forward-back-and-forward to CEU Mendiola and CEU Makati and ask me, regrets? I don't.

There are two points I had realized, two reasons why things happen as such that we don't want it that way.

First, it is the consequences of our act.

Second, there are greater reason for us that God has planned.

Had you experienced picking a Five-hundred pesos on the streets?

I never had, but everything that's flourishing in my life right now is morethan a five-hundred pesos being blown down-up by the winds.

i think I'm LOVING my course right now

the moon shots..

and the SUNSHOTs.. they cooked and celebrated my DAY

my birthday last JUNE 13 2009..

with my besfriend GUIA at their house..we celebrated her 18th birthday last june 5 2009, but her day was june 3

then angel and erika's birthday in UM taft ave.

also, krizia, rom and julius days..

JUNE 23, 2009 me and maykel was on our 4th year Anniversary together.. :)

Inspired mag-sulat about love life

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

I decided to post the TOP 5 that Michael does that makes me... uhmmm.. kilig. (corny ko ba?)

ONE: He kisses my forehead when he says good bye. Sige nagmukha na nga siyang tatay dahil jan, pero mas kinikilig pa din ako, feeling ko mahal niya ako at handa siyang respetuhin ako.

TWO: He looks at me when I'm not looking, and smiles sheepishly when I catch him. I thought I could only see this on TV, what the hell. He does that all the time.

THREE: He cooks for me. Sobrang maalaga kase toh, lam mo yun? Sabi niya its the least he can do for me, to care for me, pero sobra sobra na talaga.

FOUR: He holds my hand so tight as ever when we're together. Walang sawa sa paghawak ng kamay ko, sa paglambing sa kin as if proud na proud siya sa kin.

FIVE: He always ask for a kiss by pointing his lips forward even in public. I love kissing Michael, but the fact that he's doing it to irritate me? Just imagine his doing it in a jeepney, while walking, everywhere public! But thinking about it just now, I think it's funny.

"sleepy & hungry"

I was thinking about him today.

I love him so much. Hindi pa naman deads-na-deads. Because I guess deads-na-deads is not the right word to define it. But when there are so many reasons to love a guy, won't you love him? When he is giving so much for you, won't you also give your love back? Right? That's how love works di ba? "Both" of you are so willing to share your part. Emphasizing the BOTH.

I am always reassured that I'm secured with him and reassured that having a life-time relationship with him will make me happy, why is that?

I guess few had dreamt like this, but I always dream my future with him. At a young age I had already closed any other chances that I might meet someone better, because I believe that Michael is the best na. Best for me, that is.

Just believe.

He's like a best friend and a lover. Masarap ang kiss, masarap ang yakap, pero mas masarap pag strong ang friendship niyo hindi lang strong ang love. Ang love kase nakakabulag.

Umiyak na siya once dahil sa kin, at ayuko na. Hindi na mauulit.

Chickboy :)

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

Children do play an important part in maintaing a home a happy home. Jerome is Michael's bunsong kapatid, and lately he has grown into a terrible twos.

Terrible twos are children who reached age two and up.. and began to be very "makulit." They are the toddlers that cry often when they are not given what they wanted. From being obedient and innocent baby, they become a total "sakit ng ulo".

Last year, I was so proud to see chikboy (pet name for Jerome) somewhat very behave. When he's in other house or with other people he's very still and sits silently, or when he's Kuya Michael told him to stop crying, he'll sob a little, say "i love you kuya" and hug Kuya Michael. He's really not a problem to anyone at home.

But now (as most of us did when we are at his age), he had realized the advantage of crying. More crying more attention. So for every interest and every refuse of his guardian to give what he wants, he cry.

"Biglang naging iyakin.."

DO you know what to do for toddlers like this?

As simple as don't give what he wants. Snob the child. "Wag pansinin." Not unless he's catching your attention to the point that he's hurting himself.

The result:

• For children who was given too much attention, they become spoiled bratt.
• For children who didn't receive any attention, they mistrust the people around them.

Anyways, chikboy has been always a happy child and develops completely natural. Everyone at home loves him. Michael's family lives a simple but happy life having him.

Some stuff about chikboy:

• He loves taking pictures, he'll ask you to take pictures of him then he'll ask if it's pogi. Sometimes he insist he'll take the picture. He'll do it whether for digi cams or cell phones (even if your cell phones don't have a camera).

"di mo lang alam, VAIN toh si chickboy..mahilig magpic yan.."


• He is so addicted to SPIDER MAN. He was crying all day because he wanted to watch spider man on youtube, then he wants Mama to bring a spider man toy, he posted on pictures as if throwing a spider web from his wrisk (similar to what spider man does). Even in dreams, while sleeping, he'll suddenly throws his hand to the air like spider man.

"spider man watch niya.."


• He looks for mais. But yesterday, I was with him, he was addicted to buko juice, he drank almost 4 or 5 glasses of buko after lunch.





"chickboy, dinudukot na ang buko sa baso"


• He makes papansin all the time when there are visitors and kinikilig when there are girls (visitors) at home.
I hope I have a baby sister as well.. Just wishing :)

Writing Painting

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

I need to focus now to two of the best interest in my life. Writing and Painting. 

Because of so many dreams listed to come true, I never realized that I wasn't really learning anything. I was not constantly practicing my interest, that's why nothing happened.

I TRIED to learn playing guitar, dancing, yoga, basketball, volleyball.

TRIED is the word, because I never really gave serious participation in all of it and of course I least learn some of the basics, but never master anything.

Blogging is very important to me right now, very important for my dreams to come true. I don't need to be known throughout the world, I just want to write. And this really makes me happy.

Even if there could only be one person to praise my blog, I will be so damn happy at heart. Because that inspires me more to write.

I write from experience, from heart.

"painting of chong, classmate of maykel"

pinaka favorite ko sa lahat sa exhibit

Jealousy. Me and my boyfriend attended an exhibit recently at Luneta, and we are so so jealous, both of us. 

He was jealous because he was not able to pass his own painting, and all of his classmates had their's hanging around.

I was jealous because I was left out.

"mga klasmeyt ni maykel.."

If only I am studying Fine arts now, I am not far from them. Maybe I was painting now, or taking pictures. Hayysstt is the only thing I could say.

I know its more of a hobby. But I was thinking, what if my life is short? What if I won't get any more chances for myself to do the things I love?

I hurt when it comes to this point.

Well... hmmm...   self-sacrfice.

I learned about it

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

People may be unkind,

just be kind

They may cheat,

just be honest

They may forget your deeds,

just do good.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Its hard to see yourself  in a mirror. You need someone to say it on your face.

Maybe because as a child we are sometimes fixated in an egocentric environment where

life is morelikely self-centered. Focusing only on one's feelings, needs, wants, rights and reasons.

As a growing child I experienced many mistakes and encountered different affections. Later, I realized that everything happens for a cause. Every details of life happens for a reason.

When I started accepting thoughts and opinions of other human beings, I started living. Slowly analyzing that I am not the center of the world, people don't breathe and live for me, and the world does not revolve around me.

Changing. 

Of course changing does not happen in just a snap. Learning pays time. You won't change after reading this. You won't change, not until your ready for a change.

What I mean by change here is starting a journey to be mature enough to face the rest of your life. You will then feel that life gets easier, gets lighter and happier. You forgive and forget easily. You could establish enough patience so not to rise a temper. You could give yourself to try to understand people who had mistaken you and understand people's feelings. You'll be stressing yourself less and be wiser.

You won't understand it by merely being aware about it. You'll understand it when you experienced it. When you see yourself on another person. When you see your reflection. When you see it on a mirror that says all your beauty and also your sluggishness.

I can't ask you to change for me. The same as no one could change for you. Change yourself because you want to.

I am totally aware that I learned so much in life. But still imperfect as I am, sometimes its a pity I still act very selfishly.

Maybe because learning does not stop after you had learned. Changing is constant and learning is spontaneous as breathing and living is.