believe

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

It's an ache to sight the past if there are so many broken memories that are not yet glued together. I hate my past and I'm tired of staring at it, but I can't help myself.

I hate myself hating who I am.

If I knew myself better than my friends then I know that I have no self-confidence to watch the WORLD I will later encounter, because I've been busy hiding (and debating) to a world behind me.

I lack the self-confidence I once wish is within me. But the statement of reality aggravates the feeling of undeserved happiness.

I'm tired of looking for myself, should I then stop?

I know nothing and pursued nothing. Aweful self-egocentrism.

While everyone could walk with chin on their heads, and everyone could dance on their feet and sing on their throat, I am staring at them clapping my hands for the joy and happiness I am feeling for their triumphs.

What did I pursued for the past 19 years of my life? I want to close my eyes and think for a second, I want to cry for no reason, am I know under an emotional disorder?

But then, maybe I'm just stress and opaque and I miss a quite number of people I'm not able to be with as a law of jurisdiction (if my spelling is correct).

For the past blogs I've been praising God and yes He did a bunch of blessings and yet i am not satosfied, by then I'm not deserving of his presence....