I love my friends.

I have a lot of friends, I mean a lot. I'm not boasting. I'm just saying. And it is really hard to manage your time with your friends and sometimes catching up with them also seems so difficult. I hope I have that power button for myself like what my SIMS have, so that I can choose to be a life long friends with just anybody even if I can't update them about what has been happening with my life.

I don't have time for everyone, but I don't want them to think that they are forgotten. Not communicating with them doesn't mean I don't have time for them, sometimes it literally means that I don't have money. I hope I can have a lot of money so that I can be with all of my friends anytime anywhere I want or they want. I love my friends. I love all of them. I feel depressed that I had made decisions with my life that seems so wrong but when I realized I met these people because of all that decisions, I felt that everything was perfect afterwards.

I have a lot of friends not because I am friendly. I have a lot of friends and the main reason for that is because I'm fickle. I say this a lot. Maybe if you are a close friend of mine, you have already heard this from me. I am fickle. I am impulsive. I make decisions without thinking. I sometimes hate myself for it. But I was mostly thankful about it because I met the people I love now. I met my friends.

I sometimes don't know how my friends look at me. Most of the time I think they see me strange, but I think they find it funny though, that's why I'm still with them and they still have me. I honestly don't know how they feel about me. I tried to be true and honest, but sometimes because of my love for them, I can't help but just get along with them, with everything they want, because I don't want to loose them. Sometimes I feel awkward about myself, in front of them. If you know that feeling when you can walk but it is not steady and it feels like you have two left feet even if you're not trying to dance, that's how I feel.

But I love holding my friends in the hand or in the arm when crossing, and I love putting my chubby chin on their inch shoulders, and I love saying that I'll miss them, and be seriously sweet to them and letting them know that I kind of care for them, and I talk a lot, and I repeat the things I had already said to them weeks ago, and I think I'm just plain awkward at those moment.

Right now, I just miss my friends, very much. Every single one of them. If I can only keep them all in one room and have fun with them at the same time, I will. But I already tried that during my 18th birthday and it was exhausting and I don't want to do it again. I have random friends, and I have friends from different generations, and sometimes I can be a different person around each of them, and I don't know why I'm doing that, but I'm doing it. But it doesn't mean, I'm not being true and honest, it is just an automatic on and off button that I have with my personality whenever I'm around a certain somebody and I can't control it. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry.

And, I love my friends, that's just what I want to point out in this post and I miss all of them, and I hope even if they change they will not forget about me, cause that will make me terribly sad. And I hope we can still watch movie and have coffee or get wasted or exchange gifts for Christmas even if setting a date to meet up and have fun is such a hard thing to do.


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