Mommy come home...

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

Mommy come home.

I waked up my eyes are swallow. I was crying last night because I missed my mom. Think about it, another year without her? I hate this feeling that I actually don't have the right to please her to come home.

So, my mom had been working abroad for morethan 2 years I guess. She's really doing it, she's working hard. She had gave (and still giving) us all.

And I hate myself. Guilt consciousness pressed me. My studies this year? I'm a failure. I felt like everything is in a spontaneous reaction where there are neither pause nor resume.

i am afraid

that i can't be the

one she had dreamed me

to be.

I wanted to ask her to come home and live together in a simple life, but, I think that's only a wierd alibi for myself to wreck my course. You see, I prefer to study arts and writing.

For real, I missed my Mom. It's hard. I'd never dreamed to be Miss Independent.

In the end, no choice but to continue my course, and so my mom continue to work there in LA, and I need to have good grades, and pass the board exam (which is far way across the country, across the world, across the heaven), and work abroad. What an art!

I don't know why all of us need to suffer. It's pathetic.

Supah "F" in speaking carabao english

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

Golly. I know! This would be a bit awkward and totally jologs. But then, I hope I could keep up. Let's speak banyaga! 

I wanted to learn good banyaga speaking because foremost, Banyaga English Language is one way to write formally. Well then, if I could write Banyaga English properly, I could send my mind not only to my kapwa Pinoy but also to our people around the planet.

I am not doing this to brag.
Don't misinterpret.

I am just giving in to a particular subject so that I could write. I wanted to write and that is very vital to my personality. I would want to study and pick a course and write, but in my current situation, that is impossible.

I was once inspired by Roberto Ong (till now, of course). And now I am giving a bow to Stephanie Mayer. I could see at her books how she evenly propose the events and situations. It's so smart and realistic.

So, then I am dreaming to be a writer. Not famous. Not popular. Just a writer. Hope someday I could write my own books, poems and articles.
I would write, everyday. Every days of my life would not be meaningful if I don't write. This is getting to excagerated, but I mean it. 

You could help me to learn good grammar by totally discriminating me. I will accept it at any cause.

New beginnings

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “ROAD TO KILL”. The blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

Refreshed. I'd made my 9 new years resolution for "2009" and I would like to share it to everyone (so that I could try harder to accomplish it..)

1st: Love God.

Attending the mass regularly and keep up with the faith. Prayers should be the breathe of the lungs and the beat of the heart. Serve my every moment and everything I do to God.

2nd: Lose weight.

It's been 18 years that I've been waiting for me to loss the cholesterol, can't keep with it though. But, it's worth to try.

3rd: Study harder.

This means, don't be late for first classes, do my assignments and give the focus and concentration literally to study. This could be the worst resolution I could give to myself.

4th: Learn good grammar.

Well, this is a part for me and for my writing. I would want to give a shot to have good grades in english, speak good english and have good grammar, so at least give me an excemption in bleeding for my blog. (splat.) I am really hoping I could enroll myself at John Roberts Power.

5th: I will be a good person and a good friend, too. Be a happy person.

I know! I am impatience, totally unfriendly, bossy, hot-headed and snobbish. I'm still hoping people are patiently waiting for me to change. Then I wish I could be totally freaky of giving rationale for what people do with their lives and rationale for sometimes not being perfect. Initialize. People are not perfect and so am I. Just be a total stranger, but friendly, to a another stranger. Be happy. Happiness :)

6th: Be magnificently hygienic.

I mean, I bathe everyday, totally. But of course, lazyness to even wash my face at night when I get real tired from school, cut me off.

7th: Be totally responsible to clean the house.

I really don't have the time, I gave it up all to sleeping, so I should be more active at home so that our place could be more inviting to visit.

8th: Be busy.

I always think that I'm tired, I'm restless.. I'm lazy..I  end up doing nothing. Anyways, there's a lot of rest and sleep when we die. Happiness, energy, go!

Last: Don't spend to much. Save.

So this is it. Maybe Eating less could help me. And I would really want to save for myself to buy something useful and trendy.

I know, resolutions are always meant to broken. But what the heck.. give it a try at least.. :)

BLANKO

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “a person who wants to be perfect at any cause, cannot attain perfection by any cause.”, which is my very first blog and which is a FRIENDSTER blog that was deleted a long time ago. But of course, the blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

Sa dami ng iniisip ko na isusulat ko. I came out with nothing.

—-BLANKO—–

ahaha…

naisip ko isulat ang about sa ATTITUDE. Na minsan kahit natuto na tayo sa mga mistakes natin sa past.. kahit na alam na alam na natin ang ipapayo sa ibang tao base on experience.. minsan.. nagkakamali pa rin at uulitin pa rin natin ang pagkakamali natin.

tapos… gusto ko din isulat ang tungkol sa SILENCE.. na Silence may sometimes mean morethan talking, morethan shouting and even screaming. That SILENCE may even show knowledge and confidence. It may show maturity and assertiveness.

meron pa.. ang pagiging social climber. Ang tipo ng sunod ng sunod sa what is IN and what is trending. Kahit mukha ng trying HARD.

eh kung magsulat kaya ako tungkol sa love life ko.? mag-mamaasim.

haha..

WATEVER>

ako na madrama

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “a person who wants to be perfect at any cause, cannot attain perfection by any cause.”, which is my very first blog and which is a FRIENDSTER blog that was deleted a long time ago. But of course, the blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

2 years ago, magkasama ang parents ko pumunta sa states. I don’t know if it is denial, pero feeling ko mangangapitbahay lang mga magulang ko at babalik din, gagabihin nga lang.

Actually my father came back several months mula nung umalis sila at nag-stay siya dito sa pinas.

Pero lately, umalis ulit ang ama ko, dito nagsimula ang pagiging EMO ko. (Hindi literal na emo ah!)

Araw araw sa pagsakay ko ng BUS pa-uwi galing skwela.. gusto ko umiyak. Nagdadrama ako sa tabi ng bintana, tumitingin sa mga ilaw ng building, ilaw sa kalye at ilaw ng mga sasakyan.

At first, wala lang sa kin yung ganitong sitwasyon ng life. Pero, may pero.

Malungkot.

Dito ko narealize.

Prom:

• Kasama ko kuya ko sa sa landmark sa pagbili ng prom gown, at ang mahal ng nabili ko sa hindi sinasadyang pagkakataon.
• Kasama ko ang besfren ko magpasalon, “ne, kaw lang pumunta dito na hindi kasama momi ah? sino kasama mo? kapatid mo?”

College:

• Late na kame nag-enrol, as in magsasara na yung school!
• Naghanap kame ng DORM, yung pinak–hmmm.. mapapa-hmm ka
• Pinaka-mahirap na parte ng mag-DORM? Mag-laba.

Debut:

• sige sariling sikap sa pagpeprepare
• super.. HAY super ang GASTOS KO!! nakaka-guilty

*Tatay ko, nacoconscious, kase kasama ko naman daw siya sa ibang issue  at moment ng buhay ko, bakit kulang pa din, pero syempre ITAY ibang klase ng paper mo, ang ginagampanan mo, at ibang klase din naman ang ginagampanan ng INA ko.

*To think of it, someday pag nagkita kame ng nanay ko, eto yun eh:

1. una, hindi na ako bata - hindi na ako pwede mag-pakuto (kung may kuto ako) yung tipong tulog ka na hindi pa rin tumitinag si inay.
2. ano nga ba pangalawa? yun lang pala dahilan ko. hindi na ako bata.

–syet? kuto lang ba dahilan kaya gusto ko siya pauwiin? hindi naman siguro. siguro gusto ko lang siya maging parte ng mga moments ko. gusto ko nakikita niya ko. oy. oy. ayuko umiyak.

*sana siya na maglaba ng mga damit ko para malinis, pag labandera di marunong

*sana dito siya sa bahay para maglinis, para pakainin kame, para alagaan kame pag may sakit kame.

one time, lately lang, nilagnat ako, super crying ever ang lola niyo, kase naaalala ko nung bata pa ako, habang may lagnat, nahimatay ako at natumba ako sa sahig ng kusina, pag mulat ng mga eyes ko.. kumpleto sila, ang nanay ko, tatay ko, mga kuya ko, at tinititigan nila ako habang nakahandusay sa sahig. pero nung may sakit ako… hay.. never mind

*trabaho ba ng katulong yan? ang alagaan ang mga anak? ang pagalitan, sigawan? atupagin, mahalin?

*anong sunod? CAPPING and PINNING? sige, wala din sila.

*i mean, hindi ko naman sinasabi na kailangan nila umuwi para ako ay maligaya, but then, its like… a waste of time not being with them.

*Bakit ba kailangan yumaman? bakit kailangan malaki ang bahay? bakit kailangan maganda ang buhay? bakit dapat colored ang cellphone? Bakit nursing? bakit nakaka-kuba magcomputer buong araw?

PARA MAGING MASAYA?

ang tanong, MASAYA NGA BA?

at ito ang proposal ko sa mga magulang ko

• Manirahan sa maliit pero pagmamay-ari na bahay.
• May kotse (optional)
• Mag-hanap buhay sa pinas
• Maliit ang kita
• Mag-aral ng simpleng course, tulad ng fine arts (o kaya advertisements, journalism, at fine arts ulit) 1,000 tuiton per sem san ka pa? di tulad ng nursing 16,000 per grading
• Mag-sama sa hapag kainan kahit walang pagkain (ika nga ni sharon)
• mabuhay ng simpleh.

Syempre, hindi sila papayag sa proposal ko.

Tuloy ang drama

mga weird dreams

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “a person who wants to be perfect at any cause, cannot attain perfection by any cause.”, which is my very first blog and which is a FRIENDSTER blog that was deleted a long time ago. But of course, the blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

isa lang toh sa mga wierdong panaginip ko lately..

(ay,..nga pala lahat pala ng mga dreams ay wierd)

oh anyways.. etoh na nga ang panaginip ko kagabi lang..

kasama ko si katrina miolata at iba pang friends..pero xa lang naalala ko na kasama ko. then, tinago namin yung aming mga cellphone na mga 3315 at iba pang cellphone na di pa na-uusuhan ng cam. tapos, naiwan ako, pero nag-alala ako na baka mawala yun, kaya tiningnan ko ulit. hmmmm.. at nung tiningnan ko iniwan na ako ng mga friends ko, at nung tiningnan ko pa ulit, may ibang nakakita na baka kunin yung cell, kaya naghanap ako ng locker, at dun ko nilagay… then, hina-haunting daw ako ng kung sino.. at papatayin daw ako.. edi xempre.. scared ako… papatayin eh. iyak daw ako ng iyak, at niyakap ko si kuya RYAN? ryan? badtrip… xa pa niyakap.. ko!!! hmft.. oh anyways.. to the rescue ang dalawang magkapatid na si AVI at HANNAH… at tumakbo daw ako.. takbo naman ako ng takbo.. pero nahuhuli na ako.. at sila ay nasa malayo na.. at pagod na ako.. kaya naghanap ako ng bahay na mataas ang gate.. pumasok ako dun.. may matanda..pero wala siyang paki sa buhay ko.. at pumasok pa ako.. pumasok ako sa isang kwarto,.. may matabang babae at mga anak niya.. at tulog sila.. at nagulat sila sa presensiya ko.. nag makaawa ako na tulungan niya ako.. na kapag dumating yung papatay sa kin.. paalisin niya..

nung dumating na, hala.. na-scared din siya dahil sikat na tao pala ang naghahanap sa kin.. at hindi na ako papatayin.. ako ay ikukulong.. biglang hindi na ako si ako.. dahil ang ako na kanina ay hinahabol ay si avril lavigne na.. at may dinahilan siya.. at hindi na siya kinulong..

nanunuod pala ako ng TV, at tinatanong ko sa katabi ko kung bakit hindi na siya kinulong.. ang dahilan.. kase ROCKERS daw si AVRIL..

hmmm.. wat a dream..

Ang Maging Tao

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “a person who wants to be perfect at any cause, cannot attain perfection by any cause.”, which is my very first blog and which is a FRIENDSTER blog that was deleted a long time ago. But of course, the blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad   writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

tao. di perpekto. kung si superman ay lumilipad at kayang pigilan ang nahuhulog na eroplano, tayo pag tumayo sa umaandar na tren at pinigilan ito, deads. pero wait ano bang problema mo bakit mo pipigilan ang tren? epal..

may humiling ba sa atin na maging perpekto? ang naaalala ko lang na turo sa kin ng religion teacher ko, gusto lang ni Papa God na magpakabanal tayo, pero ang HOLY ba ay may konek sa perpekto? di ko sure.

di natin kailangan maging perpekto, kailangan lang natin maging tamang tao. at wag natin susumbatan ang ibang tao kung may mga bagay na di nila magawa, dahil katulad natin, sila ay tao, di perpekto.

masyado tayo nag-eexpect sa mga tao sa paligid natin na magagawa nila ang mga bagay na gusto natin na magawa nila. pero di lahat ng kaibigan magpapasensiya sa atin, di lahat ng magulang maiintindihan tayo sa nararamdaman natin,  di lahat ng boyfrens ay magiging sweet katulad sa mga koreanovela, di lahat ng klasmeyt mamimigay ng papel, at di lahat ng commuters ay may pake kung masagasaan ka man ng tren.

initindihin natin na bukod sa pagiging kaibigan, magulang, boyfren, klasmeyt at kapwa tao ng mga taong inaasahan natin sa buhay natin, may iba pa silang papel sa sarili nilang buhay na dapat gampanan. at kung nagkukulang man sila sayo, intindihin mo na di ikaw ang sentro ng mundo.

baka naman tapos na ang papel na ginagampanan nila sa buhay mo, ikaw naman ang magkaroon ng panahon sa buhay nila.

kapag nagets mo na ang sinasabi ko.. masaya ako para sayo..

emo o kikay

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “a person who wants to be perfect at any cause, cannot attain perfection by any cause.”, which is my very first blog and which is a FRIENDSTER blog that was deleted a long time ago. But of course, the blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad   writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

di ko alam kung san lulugar.. ang gulo.. ano ba kamil? magiging emo ka ba? o magpapakakikay ka?

kapag emo..unang una–di bagay pano ang taba ko, sabi pa ng opinyon ng iba eh.. madumi tingnan at parang nagpapapansin lang..ano yun..?

sabi ko naman sa sarili ko pagtungtong ko ng kolehiyo eh magpapakatao na ako.. magpakababae..pero as of now.. parang katulad pa rin ako nung highschool ako..lalo pa nga lumalala eh..

ewan ko.. magtiwala sa sarili at hindi sa katabi..

hekhek..

anyways.. wala naman paki ang ibang tao kung ano maging ideya ko para sa sarili ko..

o magpaka-simple na lang kaya? para walang problema?

simplicity makes beauty.. sabi nila.. ewan ko lang ha..?

sa aking ina…. imelda tracy

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “a person who wants to be perfect at any cause, cannot attain perfection by any cause.”, which is my very first blog and which is a FRIENDSTER blog that was deleted a long time ago. But of course, the blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

aba at nagbabasa ka pala ng blog ko.. okei lang,,,atlis ngayon alam ko na may nagbabasa na ng blog ko.. at dapat pla eh nag-iingat ako sa mga pinagsasabi ko dahil may nagbabantay na…

momih…lamo mo po… mahal na mahal kita… di ko lang masabi sayo ng ganun ka lamabing, kasweet at kagara dahil na rin sa takbo ng relasyon natin.. ewan ko kung ano na nabasa mo sa blog ko dahil ang tagal tagal na ng mga nakasulat dito..

minsan naiinis ako dahil kung tutuusin mas close pa nga ako kay mayk kaysa sayo… yung sinabi mo dati na buti pa kay mayk ang bait bait ko pero pag kaw kausap ko bruhilda ako eh talagang ang daming meaning… di ba?

lam ko naman na mana ako sayo di ba? haha,… ayuko ng napapansin mga mistakes ko.. ganun ka eh.. kailan ko ngalang din napansin na ganun din ako.. pinapagalitan pa lang ako ni daddy.. nagdedefense na ako.. kaya sa huli ang init din ng ulo…

weeeehhh,,..pero ma.. di naman ibig sabihin ng ganun ka eh gusto na kita magbago../ lam mo.. kahit ganun ka tanggap naman kita eh.. hmm.. noon lang yun nung immature pa ako na iritable ako sayo kase di pa kita naiintindihan nun..pero ngayon.. xempre may isip na ako..

nung nag-enrol ako sa ceu.. inis na inis ako kay daddy..xa yung kasama ko.. lam mo yun. hapon na kami dumating sa ceu.. at maxado niya ako pinagmamadali.. kainis.. natataranta na nga ako.. eh kung ikaw yun.. di ba? edi maaga tayo dumating sa skul… tas nakalimutan pa naming kumuha ng temporary report card.. kaya inasikaso ko pa tuloy yun nung pasukan…

di ko rin lam kung anong gagawin sa dorm… lam mo yun…?

ma.. lam mo.. kaw ang mommy ko… at hindi matutumbasan ng kahit ano..kahit sino ang pagmamahal mo.. kaya wag ka mag-iisip ng kahit ano…

madami na rin ako natutunan sa buhay ko.. at kasama ka dun sa mga nagturo sa kin.. para sa kin maganda buhay ko dahil sayo..

love you ma.. ahmwuuuahhh… 

bob ong fan

**I've been importing in this blog all of my previous posts from my old blogs. I want to merge everything because I felt there is a sense of security in doing so. **This page right here was actually a blog post from my late blog, “a person who wants to be perfect at any cause, cannot attain perfection by any cause.”, which is my very first blog and which is a FRIENDSTER blog that was deleted a long time ago. But of course, the blog itself was deleted but I never deleted my writings. I love all of the masterpieces I made from the past, beautiful, ugly, good or bad writings will always be kept! And I just decided today (February 9, 2013) to publish again all of these masterpieces in one site! Dates are preserved by the way.

sa kasalukuyan, ang di ko pa nababasa sa mga likha ni bob ong ay yung /bakit baliktad magbasa ng libro ang mga pilipino?/. dahil naantala ang pagbabasa ko sa mga dapat asikasuhin o sabihin na nating mga bagay na importanteng gawin na muna. second year high school ako nung nagsimula ako maging interesado sa mga sulat niya, sabihin mo mang gaya-gaya ako ng istilo ng pagsusulat, baka mapahiya ka lang dahil ipagmamalaki ko pa yun. sa kanya ako na-inspired na magsulat. sa wakas may isang gawain na ako ngayon na walang coach sa volleyball o direktor sa isang theater club ang makapgsasabi na di ako katangap-tanggap. eto ang problema ko sa pagiging gemini, desperada ako maging inibidwal na hindi naman ako, sumubok ng mga bagay na pwede naman hindi, i hate myself, charing. kung pagsusulat lang din ang pag-uusapan go ako, ang tanging problema ko lang ay kung panu ko ipapaliwanag ang mga nararamdaman ko sa ingles. si bob ong ang isa sa mga nagpagaan ng loob ko sa issue na yan sa sulat niya sa stainless longganisa, at syempre ang pagiging staff ko sa nurses notes sa aking unibersidad. sila ang natatanging nilalang na hindi ako pinressur na maging perpekto, at masaya akong malaman yun. freshman ako sa college ngayon, at mahal ko pa rin ang mga sulat niya. di ko alam kung san matatagpuan sa bob ong, pero nagpapasalamat ako sa kanya. ps: maniwala ka sa hindi, lahat ng libro ni bob ong na nabasa at binabasa ko pa lang, ay hiniram ko lang sa kaklase ko nung highschool (at na-gulay pa sa kin yung libro), sa kadormate, at sa kaklase ko ngayon college. salamat din sa inyo.